


Apologizing for Idiots

by katybar



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Flirting, John is cautious, M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Princess Bride, Remix, Sexting, Sherlock is inexperienced but not asexual, arnica, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 08:15:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5998438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katybar/pseuds/katybar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apologizing can't be all that difficult, can it?  After all, millions of idiots do it everyday.  Of course, they have practice, while "William" Scott Sherlock Holmes has never needed concern himself with either the theory or the practice of apology.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jan 31, 7:25pm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wendymarlowe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendymarlowe/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Dear John](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2647979) by [wendymarlowe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendymarlowe/pseuds/wendymarlowe). 



> I wrote this as an alternate ending to Wendy Marlowe's incredible "Dear John", which ended just about a year ago. If you haven't read it, this won't make much sense. However, if you need a refresher: after Sherlock's death, John was persuaded to start an account on a dating site, and Sherlock began writing to him under the name of William. One thing led to another led to another led to an eventual meeting between John and William, which went to hell at supersonic speed. This fic picks up right after the failed date with texts between John and William.  
> Wendy posted in real time, which was amazing, but I'm just going to post everything but the last day now, and the rest tomorrow, for reasons that will become clear.

W: John

W: I know you’re here.

W: Please talk to me.

W: John?


	2. Jan 31st, 11pm

W: I’m still here John

W: Still hoping you’ll answer

 

 

 

W: All right then.  Good night.


	3. feb 1st, 9am

W: John?

W: Please talk to me.

W: I acknowledge that last night didn’t go as planned.

W: The black eye is quite  spectacular though.

W: Not that I’m blaming you for it. Not at all.

W: I’m sorry


	4. Feb 1st, 11am

W: John?

**J: Sherlock.**

W: Oh.

W: Thank you.

**J: Don’t thank me yet.**

**J: Although I’m about to do you a great favor.**

**J: I’m not going to fake my own death from 50 feet up.**

**J: I’m not going to let  you be the one to ransack my body for a pulse.**

**J: I’m not going to worm my way into your affections under a false name and wait for pathetic admissions of loyalty and affection and *love***

**J: I’m not even going to lull you into loving again, or goad you into sex by proxy, or let you twist in the wind for 10 days afterwards while almost getting myself killed for real.**

**J: Here’s the favor.  I’m going to say it to your face before I disappear.**

**J: Piss.**

**J: Off.**

W: John…?

W: Please John.

W: Don’t do this.

W: I admit, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound good.

W: It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.

W: Although I see now that I did.

W: John???


	5. Feb 1st, 11pm

W: I’m here.  
W: I’m still sorry.  
W: I’ll leave the chat open.  
W: Good night John.


	6. Feb 2nd, 11pm

W: I thought about coming by the clinic today.

W: Decided you wouldn’t appreciate that.

W: Probably.

W: Good night John.


	7. Feb 3rd, 11pm

W: Maybe you heard about Lestrade bawling me out today?

W: He is very protective of you.

W: I should have been.

W: Protective, I mean.

W: I was trying to protect you, but I did it all wrong.  I should have taken you with me.  I should have told you.

W: I should have trusted you.

W: Good night John.


	8. Feb 4th, 11pm

W: The black eye is starting to fade.

W: One of Mycroft’s minions insisted on arnica.

W: I wish it would last longer.

W: Scars are eloquent.

W: Or I wish it was you who did the healing, like before.

W: I wish a lot of things were like before.

W: Good night John.


	9. Feb 4th, 11pm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, I just realized I have two Feb 4ths. So... we'll just say this is a strange kind of leap year thing.

W: I am back at Baker Street.

W: You left quite a lot here.

W: Do you want anything back?

W: Delete that. It sounded like I was trying to lure you here.

W: I can leave if you want, so you can come unmolested.

W: Or not.

W: Can I keep the pillow?

W: Good night John


	10. Feb 5, 11pm

W: Lestrade called me with a case today

W: Need to check out the site in the morning

W: Probably won’t be dangerous

W: I would be overjoyed if you came

W: But I don’t suppose you will

W: Lestrade would be good for you, John.

W: Don’t let him set you up with his random idiot.

W: You deserve to be happy

W: Good night John.


	11. Feb 6th, 11pm

W: Mrs. Hudson’s been by to berate me again.

W: She was quite happy to see me at first, but it seems to be souring.

W: That seems to be the reaction I inspire in people.

W: Only excepting you.

W: But not anymore.

W: She says you were, I quote, devastated by my death.

W: I wanted to put “death” in quotations, but I won’t.

W: She says you had a loud argument with Lestrade about owning an illegal gun.

W: If I had come back to find you dead by illegal handgun…

W: I understand, a little.

W: I tried to put that scenario into my mind palace, but the rooms wouldn’t stay in their places.  It’s like the landscape was rebelling.

W: I’m sorry John.

W: I’m truly sorry.

W: There is nothing else I can say.

W: I want to show you

W: I want to spend the rest of my life showing you

W: But I won’t, unless you want that too.

W: Good night John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever just left kudos -- thank you!! (and wow, you're fast!) I find posting really stressful, so it's lovely to see that people are reading and enjoying!


	12. Feb 7th, 10:55pm

**J: Sherlock?**

W: John, oh god yes.

**J: You can leave the screen open if you want.**

W: Yes.

W: Do you want to talk?

**J: No**

W: All right.  Good, that’s good, that’s fine.

W: Good night John

W: I’m leaving it open.

 


	13. Feb 8th, 10:55pm

 

**J: You can keep the pillow.**

W: Oh.    

W: If you want to talk…

**J: Not really.**

**J: Just, give me some time, yeah?**

W: Of course.

W: Good night John


	14. Feb 10th, 10:55pm

**J: I’m afraid Mrs. Hudson is not much happier with me.  I wouldn’t have made it past the first two weeks without her, and then when I moved out, I never went back.  Not once.**

**J: Don’t think she would forgive that too easily.**

**J: She thought of you as a son, you know.**

**J: *thinks***

**J: I should have been there for her.**

W: I don’t see why

**J: Really?**

W: I meant, I don’t see why she thought (thinks) of me as a son.

**J: Oh. Maybe because that’s the *other* reaction you inspire in people.**

**J: I fell asleep in her lap that first night.**

**J: Well, the first night they let me out of the psych ward.**

**J: Last good night of sleep I had until “William” starting chatting me up.**

**J: Do you know how fucked up this is that I feel like I cheated on you with you?**

W: Don’t.

W: Although I will admit to feeling jealous of William.

W: John?

**J: I’m here.  I’ll leave the screen open.**

W: Thank you.  Good night John.


	15. Feb 11th, 10:30pm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This diverges a bit from Wendy's story because I wrote it before she published the account of the date...

**J: Sherlock?**

W: I’m here.

**J: How is the eye?**

W: Completely faded.

W: Fucking arnica.

**J: I’ve never heard you swear much.**

W: I’m more comfortable with it in writing.

**J: Ah.  You’ve still never told me exactly what you were doing those 10 days after Christmas**

W: I didn’t want to upset you

**J: And yet “William” was emphatic about not lying to me (any more)…**

W: All right.

W: I got captured.

W: Mycroft had to extract me.

W: White knight to the rescue.

W: By far the most painful part.

**J: Mycroft knew?**

**J: Sherlock?**

W: Yes.  I had to have his help.

**J: But not mine.**

W: John.  Of course I did.  If I’d had you with me, I’d never have been captured.  I’d wouldn’t have acted so fucking stupidly.  I wouldn’t have been so fucking lonely. 

**J: Lonely is still a long way from devastated.**

W: Yes. I realize that.  I’m sorry.

**J: How did you land in hospital?**

W: The usual way.

**J: How many scars would I find if I looked?**

W: Enough to keep you busy.

W: Fewer, given the length of the hospital stay.

W: Haven’t counted, actually.

**J: I thought you counted everything.**

W: True.  But hard to do when they’re on my back.

**J: Jesus Sherlock.**

**J: Are you getting care?**

W: Yes.

**J: All right then.**

**J: I have to be at the clinic early tomorrow.**

**J: Thank you for not asking me to look at them.**

**J: Leaving the screen open.**

W: Good night John


	16. Feb 12th, 10:30pm

**J: Greg says Mycroft told him you did it for him, Mrs. Hudson, and me.**

W: I wouldn’t put it in that order, but yes.

**J: Sherlock, it’s fine.  I think we can agree that you don’t need to put a ranking on saving lives.**

**J: Doesn’t mean I’m not still mad at you, though.**

W: I understand that.

W: Thank you.

**J: You don’t have to keep thanking me, you know.**

**J: You do hate repeating yourself, don’t you? :-/**

W: A winky face?  Are you flirting with me, John?

W: Delete that.  Please.  I’m sorry.

**J: Sherlock.  Look, I’m not going to disappear because of one line of text, all right?  I’m sorry I did that to you, but I needed some time.**

**J: Some time to “process”, as my government-foisted shrink would say.**

W: You don’t have to apologize.

**J: No, but I want to.**

W: As you wish.

**J: Oh god, a Princess Bride reference?**

W: A what?

**J: Oh.  That’s good.  Because I would have had to ask where you buried the real Sherlock. Again.**

**J: In any case, it was still a shitty thing to do to people who loved you, but yeah, I can understand that you didn’t get that.**

W: I didn’t until a few days ago.

W: When Mrs. Hudson told me about the gun.

W: I’m starting to get it.

**J: I don’t know if you can really holodeck yourself to emotional profundity.**

W: I’m not even going to pretend I know what that comment means.

**J: Yeah.  But didn’t you have a list of, like, 15 tells of emotional distress?**

W: More than 15.  I can also distinguish 47 different nationalities of Father Christmas by the trim on their robes, but it doesn’t mean I believe in Santa Claus.

**J: So that’s what sentiment is to you?  A fairy tale to gull children?**

W: *was*

**J: ??**

W: That’s what sentiment *was* to me, until I saw its effects on you.

W: I may not understand it, but I can’t deny its reality.  Not now.

W: There is nothing about you I can deny.

**J: That’s … sweet, actually.**

**J: I think.**

W: It was meant to be.

W: Will you leave the screen open?

**J: Of course.**

W: All right. Good night John

**J: Good night.**

**J: It might be flirting.**


	17. Feb 13th, 10:15pm

W: I find the Princess Bride reference was entirely apropos.

W: My life over the past 9 months has been a bit like Wesley’s.

W: Do you mind me contacting you?

**J: As long as you don’t compare me to Buttercup :-)**

W: Ah.  Of course not.

W: I notice the ‘emoticon’ has gotten a bit more smiley.

**J: So you watched PB?**

W: A few times, yes.

**J: Made any progress on the holodeck?**

W: Not as yet.

W: John, I

W: I don’t know how to say this?

W: Why is this so difficult?

**J: Not sure what you’re trying to say, so I can’t really tell you…**

W: About the sex part

**J: Oh, that kind of difficult**

**J: Well, at least you’re not punning on “hard”**

W: It was not my intention to entice you into a sexual relationship under false pretenses

W: You stated your preference for friendship over a sexual relationship, and I was entirely prepared to respect your principles on the matter.

W: I understand that you feel I have betrayed your confidence in me.  In William.

**J: So what you’re saying is, the fucking came as a surprise?**

**J: On a dating site pretty much devoted to getting people to fuck?**

W: This is really not my area, John.

**J: Yeah, you’ve mentioned that.**

W: At the risk of repeating myself, I’m sorry.

**J: Fuck sorry.**

**J: “William” seemed to be enjoying himself.**

W: Yes. I’m, all right, I won’t say it again.

**J: What about you?**

**J: Were you enjoying yourself?**

W: I was enjoying *you*.

**J: Is it something you would want to do again?**

W: John, I assure you I have no designs on your … on anything

**J: Not actually what I asked**

W: Oh.  Maybe?

**J: Maybe?  ;-)**

W: Now you really are flirting with me.

W: I think.

**J: Yeah, that would be flirting.**

W: That’s good.

W: I mean, I like it.

W: You’re good at it.

W: I’ve watched you do it often enough.

**J: Jealous?**

W: Yes.

**J: I would say don’t be, but I don’t want give you empty reassurances.  As “William” put it.**

**J: I can’t make any promises.**

**J: But I’m not saying no either.**

W: Maybe some more alcohol.

**J: God no. Think I finally drank myself sober.**

**J: I’m not proud of it, but I got imbecilicly drunk the night “William” appeared.  Greg dragged me home.  Didn’t think about how he knew where to find me.**

**J: That was you, wasn’t it.**

W: Yes.

**J: Trust me, alcohol is not the best way to start a relationship.**

**J: If that’s what you want.**

W: I think I’ve already answered that.

W: Rest of my life and all that.

**J: Yeah, I suppose you have.**

**J: Thank you.**

W: Is that meant to be good night?

**J: Good night, then.**

W: Good night John.

W: Sleep well.


	18. Feb 14th, 8:30pm

**J: Sherlock?**

W: I’m here.

**J: It’s Valentine’s Day.**

W: I noticed. It’s hard not to.

**J: Yeah.**

W: You always had a date for Valentine’s Day

**J: Noticed that too, did you?**

W: Observed.

**J: Does a glass of wine count as alcohol?**

W: One glass? I don’t think so.

**J: Good.**

**J: What are you wearing?**

W: Right now?  Give me a minute.

W: Purple shirt.

**J: Of course you are.**

W: Wool suit.  No socks or shoes though.   You?

**J: Blue button-down, jeans, loafers.**

W: The sky-at-dusk blue button down?

**J: Yeah**

W: I like that one.  It’s better than your usual jumpers.

**J: Yeah ;-)**

W: This is more flirting, right?

**J: Absolutely.**

W: What would you do if you were here?  I mean, if you want to hit me again

**J: No, I think I got that out of my system.**

**J: Let’s not do that again, all right?**

W: Then what?

**J: Hmm**

**J: You know what disturbed me about “William”?  I would have done things differently if I’d known.   If I’d known it was you.**

W: You’re embarrassed.  I should have realized.

**J: Not embarrassed.**

**J: I just would have**

**J:  it would have been different.**

**J: I assumed “William” knew when I was flirting, for one.**

W: I know hundreds of tells for flirting.

**J: Yeah, I believe you.  What do you want me to do?**

W: I want you to be close.   Closer.  Right over me. 

**J: Closer than now?  You’ll have to use your imagination. What else?**

W: Kiss?

**J: Mmm, not just yet, I think.**

**J: But maybe I’ll stare at your mouth and lick my lips unconsciously.  Or not unconsciously.  Just to give you ideas.**

W: Fuck.

**J: Definitely not yet.**

**J: I think I’ll start with your hair.**

**J: How long have you spent getting those curls just so today?  Remember you promised me the truth.**

W: William promised.

**J:  waiting…**

W: Sorry. 

W: 45 minutes.

**J: Always figured that. How are they going to feel? I’ve never had my hands in your hair.  Soft?**

W: Haven’t actually thought about it.

**J: You have hands.  Observe it.**

W: All right, yes, soft I suppose.  Springy…?

**J: Mmm, yeah, this is good.  I’m pushing you back so you need your hands for support.  You’re on the bed, right?  Sitting on the edge.  I could straddle you and not touch, just use my knees to corral your hips and have both hands in your hair.**

**J: One wandering down to the nape of your neck.  Soft pressure.  Rubbing little circles.  Scratch at your scalp a bit, see what you like.**

W: Everything.

**J: I’m twisting my fingers in, right at the back of your head, that sweet hollow in the back of your neck.  Tugging just a little.  Sharp.  Tilting your head back a fraction of an inch.  Do you like having your hair pulled?**

W: Apparently.  Now.

**J: Good.  Fine.  Still not kissing.  I’m tracing one finger along the curve of your ear.  Tugging at the earlobe.  Cupping your chin with that hand, lowering my face into your hair a bit.**

W: I had no idea you were so obsessed with my hair.

**J:   :)  What do you smell like?**

W: Soap.  Aftershave, a bit.

**J: The poncy kind that costs half a paycheck per bottle.**

W: For you.  Also that laughably expensive tea that Mycroft brought for Christmas.

W: You liked that tea.

**J: I like all tea.  It doesn’t have to be free-range organic sundried whatnot  from your posh brother.**

W: I know.  But you *really* liked *that* tea.  I watched you.  Your eyelids flutter shut when you drink it.

**J: Sod off.**

W: Maybe.

**J: I think I’ll get to the kissing part now.  Hard but no teeth, no tongue.  Might nip your bottom lip a little, just as a warning.**

W: I open my mouth.  An invitation. 

W: Trying

W: Please John

W: I want you inside me

**J: Nope, not going there.**

**J: The begging is rather nice though.**

**J: Instead I push you a few inches farther back, down to your elbows.  Tip your chin up.  It’s not your hair I’m obsessed with, Sherlock.**

W: God John, please, you’re torturing me, I can’t keep track

**J: Keep track?**

W: Fuck, I didn’t mean

**J: What are you keeping track of?  Please tell me you don’t have a spreadsheet open on me.**

W: No, Christ, no, I just. 

W: You’re right. 

W: This is different, with you.

**J: Yeah.  I need something, though.  Something to keep you off balance.**

W: ?

**J: Remember I asked William about blindfolds?**

W: Yes.

**J: Yes, you remember, or yes, it’s fine?**

W: Yes it’s all fine.  Whatever you want.

**J: Can’t be getting itchy data-entry fingers with a blindfold on.**

W: Really? You underestimate me.

**J: Rarely.**

**J: So what do you have to hand? A tie?**

W: I don’t wear ties.

**J: Scarf?**

W: Too clumsy.

**J: Dressing gown belt. The blue one.**

W: Fine.  It’s going to make it hard to read your texts, though.

**J: Damn.  Wasn’t thinking that through.  :-o**

W: How about I just drape it around my neck and pretend some more?

**J: Yeah.  That’ll have to do for now.**

**J: Don’t get it in the way of your throat though.  Do you have any idea how much time I’ve spent fantasizing about your throat?  Jesus.**

**J: Don’t answer that, by the way.**

**J: Do something for me.  Lick your fingers, just the tips. Get them wet and trail them down your throat.  That’s me.**

**J: Press a little over your adam’s apple.**

**J: Tip your head back a little more.  Stretch out for me.  I want to see everything.**

W: John, I.  Fuck.

**J: Good?**

W: Brilliant.

**J: Unbutton your shirt for me.  Take it slow. Tell me.**

W: One button.

W: Two.

W: Three.

**J: Slow down.**

W: All right, playing with the fourth one.

**J: Solar plexus?**

W: Yes.

**J: Rub small circles.  Your skin is so warm.**

W: You have no idea.

**J: Oh, I think I do.  Next button?**

W: Yes.  I’m pulling the shirttails out now.

**J: Any flashbacks?  Anything I should know about?  Triggers?**

W: I don’t think so?

**J: When you were captured, did they tie you up?**

W: Do we have to talk about this right now?  How are you talking about this right now?

**J: With great difficulty ;-)**

**J: It’s damn  hard, to be exact.**

**J: And yes, we do.**

W: I am rolling my eyes.  Can you see that?

**J: Git. I knew that without being told.**

W: All right.  Yes, they tied me up.  No, I don’t think it will trigger anything in relation to you.  Yes, I will let you know if I’m wrong.  Satisfied?

**J: Mostly.  Better when I get my hands on them.**

W: I want to touch you back.

**J: Ah, but you can’t.  I’ve got your arms pinned under you.**

**J: You can’t do anything but lay still and feel what I’m doing to you.**

W: hhhard ton yype like thar

**J: ??**

W: Hard to type like that.

**J: Umm, yeah.  Imagination, remember?**

W: It would be better if you were here.

**J: Well, I’m not. So instead I’ve got your arms crossed behind your back.  And your eyes blindfolded. Your back is arched a little, on account of your arms.  I can see every muscle on your chest.  People think you’re skinny, but I know the truth.  Your nipples are dark and hard.  Other than your hair and your throat, I’ve still barely touched you.  You can’t see me, don’t know what I’m thinking.**

W: please.

**J: not above begging though :)**

W: no

**J: I’m careful to be quiet.  No rustling.  Holding my breath so you don’t can’t localize…**

W: I’m … I’m making noises to encourage you. 

**J: Wimpering?**

W: NO

W: yes

W: Jesus, I can’t stop, John

W: Mrs. Hudson is going to think someone’s abducting me.

**J: Fuck.  Yeah, just, hold still.  I’m latching down on your left nipple, all right?  Just my lips in a circle and my tongue rubbing back and forth.**

**J: You’re so hard.**

W: yes

**J: Sucking a little.**

W: god yes.

**J: Fuck it.**

**J: Got my hands on your trousers.**

W: black wool

**J: Getting them open as fast as I can.**

W: black silk pants. 

**J: God, you’re a menace, you know that?  I’m pushing everything down because your arms are still trapped and getting you undressed properly would take unacceptably long.**

W: Have I told you I tend to ginger?

**J: Jesus stop already.  You’re going to give me a heart attack.  Just, let me do this**

W: I’m hard, I’m so hard, I’ve never been so hard, I’m leaking everywhere.

W: I want you to taste me.

**J: fuck yes.**

**J: that posh tea again.**

**J: I’ve still never done this, you know.  Not for real.**

W: Isn’t this real?

**J: Yeah.**

**J: But I don’t actually know how to tell you … I don’t know what it is that women *do* when they do this.**

W: Then I’ll have to tell you.

W: You like it slow, so you just breathe on the tip first, until I’m squirming.  As far as I can squirm with my hands caught under my back. 

W: You take the head in your mouth and trace the slit with your tongue. 

**J: Not that slow, Sherlock.**

W: Yes, that slow.  You’ve been torturing me with slow, you don’t get to speed up now.

W: You flatten out your tongue, probe all the way down my shaft, all the way until your nose is buried in my ginger curling hair.

**J: Yes**

W: Then back up again.

W: *Then* you swallow me down.  It’s a little tricky at first.  Unfamiliar shape.  But you’re clever.  You figure it out. 

W: You take a while getting oriented.

W: My cock against the back of your throat.

W: sweet hot pressure

W: you can’t breathe with it

W: I’m rocking against you, not fucking, not even thrusting, just …

W: I can’t thrust, in fact.  Can’t do that for myself.  I’m at your mercy.  All I can do is this.

W: You hum around me and my whole body vibrates with it, and still there’s nothing I can do for myself.

W: You’ve figured things out, more or less.  Your tongue curls around my length.

W: I’m moaning.

W: I’m so far gone, John

W: I’m

**J: Sherlock?**

**J: Hey, you there?**

W: Fuck, I’m sorry.  I wanted to draw that out, I really did.

**J: Ah :-)**

**J: No worries.**

W: You’re still completely dressed.

W: Let me touch you.

W: Please John.

**J: Oh god yes.**

**J: Do you think it’s too late for Angelo’s?**

W: I – no, of course not. Valentine’s Day, he’s probably open until 2.

**J: No tables, maybe.**

W: He still owes me. 

**J: Twenty minutes, then?**

W: Eightteen.

**J: Fine.  It will take me twenty.  Tell him to get out a candle for us, all right?**


End file.
